So, here’s what’s up

Sign at LAX, dimensional letters on a wall reading "Welcome to Los Angeles"

The strangest thing about a five year goal is that, at the end of those five years, you’ve either reached your goal or failed. Five years is a long time, long enough that you forget there’s an end to whatever it is you’re doing. So, when the end looms, it’s particularly unsettling. It feels like a steep drop into nothingness.

It also feels like the last days of school, summer just out of reach but beckoning. There’s a lot of excitement and terror at once, is what I’m saying.

Some five-ish years ago Chase and I began plans to move from Portland to the greater Los Angeles county area. If you know me to any degree you’ve probably heard, thoroughly and exactly, why we will be moving south. In short it’s for work and opportunity reasons, with a hefty dose of “for my health.”

About a year ago, Chase quit his job of about 13 years because of an abusive environment and industry decay. Since then, I’ve been the primary household income while he does freelance work to tie up some financial loose ends and heal from his former employer. It’s been a hell of a year. This move is coming at the best and worst time.

Photo of a cubicle wall with three printed out images on it: two views of the Los Angeles area around Dodger stadium and one small piece of paper with a picture of a palm tree and a small gradient rectangle that says "If I Can't Go To Heaven Let Me Go To LA"

Making a big life change like this, with no safety net other than what I’ve been able to scrape together over the past five-ish years is kind of scary! But what is the other option? To stay?


“Oh, so you have a job lined up?”

No, I do not! I’ve worked for over a decade at a small company, honing very specific operations management skills and teaching myself the ins and outs of SEO and ecommerce copywriting. But, to be honest, I don’t know yet where I’m taking those very awesome and well-honed skills!

“So, what neighbourhood you moving to?”

ALSO UNKNOWN, though we have some possibilities. However, Chase has been researching neighbourhoods and sub-neighbourhoods and we know the kind of area we’ll be moving to. What’s most important to me though, is that the odds of us ending up in a mould-filled, 1900’s farmhouse turned into a split level slum will be exceptionally lower.


“What will happen to your crows?”

Thank you for asking that! I know you all love them as much as we do. The crows know that humans leave. They know our car (both Phantom and Baby Loaf will yell when they see the car is still around but we haven’t come out to feed them) and that when our car is not there, we are not there.

View from the bottom of a flight of wooden outdoor stairs. At the top of the railing sit two large crows.

We suspect they will be very pouty when the regular supplement to their diet is gone. They’re very well grown and will be absolutely fine because we’ve made sure that treats were balanced with useful skill learning. They’re also the largest and smartest crows in the neighbourhood. They’re kings.


“How can I help?”

You are too sweet. I’ve worked in stock logistics and warehousing for the bulk of my adult life, getting between me and boxes to be packed and organised is like getting between a bear and a meal. There are ways to help us though:


  • Buy my book, it not only gives me money but helps me remember I’m more than a warehouse worker who bulled their way up to an admin position.
  • Support me on Patreon. A single dollar gets you all the benefits and helps more than you can imagine.
  • Drop me a Kofi or
  • Pick up something from my:


  • Like and share the dumb shit I make and say!
  • If you’ve read my book, review it on Amazon or Goodreads, share it with a friend. I have little to no creative aspirations, I just want the stuff I make to make a couple folks happy and seen. Help me spread that. There’s another book coming, too!
  • I love reptiles and birds, GIVE ME YOUR BEST REPTILE AND BIRD MEMES.


Above all, if you know of freelance gigs, or job opportunities in the Los Angeles county area for someone who has strong skills and opinions about naturally integrating search engine optimisation into text that is genuinely informative while selling a product or lifestyle, hmu.

Right now we don’t have an exact date we’ll be leaving, but expect we’ll be out of the PNW by mid summer. I’m beyond excited and you will absolutely be unable to avoid me talking about it when it happens, don’t worry.


Also published on Medium.